We’ve all had our share of embarrassing moments. And admittedly, most of them come from our childhood. I once peed my pants in the middle of P.E. class and did nothing about it. I told everyone it was bird pee. No one questioned it.
These stories are way worse than you could ever imagine. Stories about kids following the most hideous fashion trends, all the way to thinking they’re werewolves and dinosaurs. You know, regular kid stuff. If you don’t feel the second-hand-cringe after reading through these, well I don’t know what’s wrong with you.
So grab an old yearbook and some gel pens and get ready to be transported back to middle school with these awfully embarrassing childhood memories.
Who wouldn’t want to be their favorite King of the Jungle?
I stuck my tongue out when I yawned.
Why? Well, Mufasa did it in the Lion King and he was super cool, so surely if I yawned like that I would also be Mufasa-cool.
My mom took me to the doctor because she thought something was wrong with me. I was diagnosed with “being four.”
This person went full Beetlejuice.
I had one of those 150 color eyeshadow palettes. It was cheap, shitty makeup. I matched the color of my shirt/ dress and my eyeshadow EXACTLY every day through 8th grade. Pink shirt? Pink eyeshadow. Blue shirt? Blue eyeshadow. White dress? White eyeshadow. Red and black striped top? One eye red, one eye black.
I did this for A YEAR.
Embarrassment in public…
I jumped off the bleachers with my hand in the air and yelled “Me O Mario” because my name was called during an awards assembly in 3rd grade. I had been playing a lot of Super Mario 64 in my defense.
We all wore those Silly Bandz.
I would wear an entire arm’s worth of silly bandz in 6th grade and specifically wear short sleeves just to show them off. It was how I asserted my dominance in middle school.
At some point, everyone was desperate to grow up.
When I was 7 or 8, I thought being a teenager was the absolute coolest thing that would ever happen to me. I’d use my mom’s lipstick to paint fake pimples on my face so people might think I was a teenager.
I’m pretty sure I had these same pants.
I used to wear those pants that had zip off bottoms so they would become shorts. I used to go to the bathroom mid-day to zip them off and hide the bottoms in my backpack in hopes that people would go, “Whoa, weren’t you wearing pants earlier! How’d you do that!?”
Phone calls are the coolest!
I was at a school friend’s birthday party, where I took an old Nokia phone my dad had given me to play with.
I pretended to call my mum and ask for jam sandwiches when I got home. I made a big deal in front of everyone that I was making a phone call.
“Guys, biker shorts are going to be so in. Just give it time.”
I wore neon bike shorts to school…as a rotund 5th grader. Not a good look on anyone, but just tragic on me. I thought I was the shit.
To be fair, this sounds so relaxing.
I wore a kimono while in middle school. My school usually had uniforms, but during a free dress day, 12-year-old me thought it was hella tight, and wanted to show my other classmates how cultured I was.
I relive this memory every few years and sweat with embarrassment.
This is… slightly aggressive.
I was flexible enough to headbutt my crotch, so I showed a friend while we were waiting for the bus to pick us up.
He stopped being my friend after that.
Wearing my socks up over my pants, and then fluffing the tops up. Because I watched Star Trek II and thought the pants in that were futuristic or something. So it was both nerdy and tragically untrue.
I was saved only because wearing your socks over your pants DID become a trend for a while, minus the poof.
Imitating your favorite animated characters.
One of my favorite cartoon characters wore goggles. I also decided to wear goggles – swim goggles, to school, the grocery store, synagogue, wherever I could honestly – in the middle of a land-locked Southern state in the winter.
Maybe a little over-sharing with this next one.
In Kindergarten, I wanted to be friends with this one girl, so I would always go to the bathroom at the same time as her and tell her what color my underwear was.
I think my logic was that friends share everything, so if she knew something personal about me, we would be friends. Unsurprisingly, we were never friends.
A kid wearing his dad’s clothes.
In middle school, I wore a plaid suit jacket that was my dad’s from the 70s. I thought it was hilarious in a “so ugly it’s cool” sort of way, but I probably just seemed desperate for attention.
At a high school football game when I was 10, I was climbing up a couple of steps on to this railing and jumping down knee first on to the floor. Like, jamming my knee down. It sounded painful, looked painful, but it didn’t hurt. So I thought I looked really cool, trying to impress a girl, while older kids and adults were just looking at me like I’m a dipshit.
Now I’m 30 and my knee is in pretty bad shape. Dunno how much of an impact, if at all, this had on it, but I wonder.
Do yourself a favor and listen to this song while reading the next one.
I was a total nerd during my teen years in the 80s. Bottletop glasses, computer and science magazines, terribly matched hand-me-down clothes, got bullied a lot by the jocks in my class, etc.
But, for some reason, despite the fact that I was as stiff as an ironing board, I spent hours practicing breakdance routines to Herbie Hancock’s Rockit.
Everything from robot to shoulder wave, to caterpillar, to helicopter spins… dreaming of the day I would get to shine in front of the popular kids…
As a tomboyish girl, I wore loosened neckties to school with a black suede vest and a tank top. I wore that very outfit to picture day so now there’s a commemorative photo of my shame.
Picture day woes… continued.
I wore a wrist sweatband that I found on the floor of my middle school locker room nonstop. It was embroidered with “As if I’d care” or something to that effect. Also wore it for picture day once.
There was a span of the late nineties early 2000s when using chopsticks to hold your hair in a bun, was very trendy.
I decided to take this a step further and used ~5-inch carbon steel nails instead. No idea where I even found them, and I wore them for the better part of a year. So edgy.
The biggest Avril Lavigne fan.
I thought listening to Avril Lavigne and coloring in my nails with a black sharpie made me edgy. I was also afraid of listening to Good Charlotte because that was a dangerous line I didn’t want to cross.
Dinosaurs are cool, yeah? So acting like a dinosaur should be cool, yeah? I’ll just walk around everywhere with my arms in a raptor-like position. This phase lasted probably over a month…
I made up absurd stories about the “cool shit I’d done” that I thought people would believe. No, I did not actually beat up five bullies at the same time at the age of 9.
I was a tomboy and had a huge rebellious streak. I chopped off my shoulder length hair and cut the back a 1/2 inch in length-spiked with styling glue every single morning and in the front, I had the long side bang I would dye.
I paired that with slogan shirts like 99% devil Tomboy and the Happy Bunny shirts. I have a senior photo with my short hair and a shirt that said, “in between boyfriends.” I thought I was hot stuff but now 14 years later I cringe seeing a 4×6 framed photo in my parent’s office. I re-live my embarrassing decision, which I thought were super duper cool at the time.
“If your friends decided to jump off a bridge, would you do it?”
Some of the kids started cutting themselves and getting scars. I thought I would be cool and cut myself too. I wanted to cut like a fire emblem into my arm though, so I tried my best to etch one out with a paperclip, it looked more like a water droplet.
This kid got a little too… gross with his dance moves.
I think I was around 11 or 12. I was at a family party in a big hall with 200+ people. I was super bored and just wanted to go home and play my PSP. Anyways an older (around 17-18) lady, friend of the family, comes and takes me out to dance. My 11-year-old brain said, “oh damn, an 18-year-old wants me! LET’S SHOW DE MOVEZ!”
So after like 20 seconds, I start rubbing my 11-year-old penis on her leg. It gets hard, and for the whole set, I just rubbed my penis on her leg from side to side. “HEHE SO BIG RIGHT BABY”, said my brain then. “OH GOD KILL ME”, says my brain now. She never said anything though so I imagine it was either too small to tell I was enlarged, or it’s one of those really awkward things where you have no idea how to get out of. All I know is, I am still shook and sorry, for rubbing my penis on her.
I thought wearing glasses made me look uncool so I had the bright idea to buy clip-on sunglasses and wear them all day in school.
I don’t know if this counts, but in middle school, my best friend at the time tried to convince me she was a werewolf.
We would pass notes during class and she told me that every night she transforms and goes running in the woods with her pack. She said her voice changed dramatically, but I said I never hear a difference. After class was over, she started talking in a different voice.
The next day in class, she wrote another note that said she wanted to transform me. I was like, heck yeah I want to be a werewolf! But to transform me she had to put drops of her blood into a water bottle and I had to drink the whole thing. So she passed the note with the water bottle. And she said if I didn’t do it she had to kill me because it’s against pack pride to be telling normies about them.
The water bottle was brand new, by the way. Wasn’t even opened so I know she didn’t even do it. I took it and threw it out when I got home. Told her I drank it and she said she saw me transform last night in my sleep.
Never talked about it again with her, but my current best friend and I bring it up all the time and have a good laugh.
I 100% believed her by the way, I was so scared though so that’s why I threw it out.
I learned that if I stuck a flashlight in my mouth, puffed out my cheeks, and turned it on, my cheeks would glow red. It was my go-to party trick and nobody was ever anything but annoyed.
Inspired by Back to the Future.
My friend and I had just finished watching Back to the Future. I thought it would be awesome to get on our skates and grab the bumper of a moving vehicle to pull us around.
We go to the corner of our street and the first car that pulls up is a Jeep Grand Cherokee. It stops at the sign then goes to take a right. I grab onto the rear bumper and it pulls me. I thinking I am the coolest kid ever for a moment.
Suddenly the Jeep stops and the driver’s door opens. It was my mom and she just starts screaming at me for being dumb enough to try this. She had taken her car into service and this Jeep was the rental for the day. Such an embarrassing moment. Back to the Future is ruined for me now.
Paperclips are so fashionable right now.
I went through a thing in seventh grade where I was really trying to assert my quirkiness. So I wore paperclips as earrings and I’d do a different hairstyle that was meant to look like something out of an anime cartoon, but they really just resulted in my hair being knotted by the end of the day, which was very painful.
I also had wire-frame glasses that were bent and were just bad for my face shape. But if you asked 12-13 year old me, I was a cool girl who didn’t care what people thought–unless they thought I was a normie in which case, I would have gotten very offended.